Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Grand Illusion

2001, when I started, I was your basic "athlete" who signed up for a triathlon

I did "well", in that context, but not really from a true human performance standard

I caught the bug

I've been getting better (albeit older) almost ever sinse

In reality, it's the Grand Illusion--and yes, I am a closet Styx fan--happiness is a low base!


So as you know I was down in Naples with my rents last week

As i told you, my dad was not doing well, and in my view was unlikely to walk amongst us much longer

This turns out to be true (MRI results are back, CNS Lymphoma back, needs Chemo, never solved the kidney thing, oops...3 or 4 months)

this blog is not about Cancer--although, I'd like to be on the record as against it as it really does suck

this blog is about vitality and age and how one creates an illusion about the other

everyting cool about youth and vitality

less things cool about age and the diminishment of vitality


watching my dad waste away, and the impact on my mother, and more importantly the impact on the human being that is my father, is devastating....the affront on human a universe that I designed this would not happen!

my dad never was cut out to be a hero, but in this cancer battle, the one he should have lost many years ago, he has, almost unwittingly, emerged as a hero

because of this, it is so sad to see that illusion of his strength shattered...not much longer now


so, this blog is not about that (or is it?) but really (?) about the nitty-gritty of the triathlon/adventure, here it is:

despite my father's situation and my many days of travel, I, upon arriving finally at home once again, undertook a FTP20 test today. 289 watts was my last high level mark and I set out to push it well into the 290s. By 6-7 minutes I began to feel my limitations. I did not have it. I ended up having to do 4 segments for 10/5/2.5/2.5 minutes@ 292 watts with 5 minutes rest in between--a very far cry from what I wanted (expected)

probably a bad day--I've been running my non-tri life raged recently

and don't get me wrong, I know almost everyone else in my age group that I race against, would kill for these peformacne numbers on the bike...

but still, with my father, I'm so very much more aware of my oldness

I am old and getting older

And while, the tri thing is a bit of a fountain of youth, and such a compelling force in my life, it is truly a Grand Illusion

I see the future and it is not good


All the more reason to enjoy the now


Wish I was better with people and relationships--will have to work on that--it would be embarrassing to have no one come to my funeral--but maybe I wouldn't notice


My kids (and wife, Judy) are fantastic

I could go on and on about them...especially Judy, but this next bit is about the kids:

Jenny is killing at Loyola Grad School

Kara's play the last two nights at Playwright's was fantastic

Alex, screwed up a very easy question on his math PSAT--if he hadn't, he would have scored 800

And Anders, due to his vision and commitment, was accepted into Harvard Business School yesterday


Life is for the young--and it should be

I'm old (and getting older)

Time to man up!


Thanks for reading

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